wake up i wanna do it froggy style
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
