you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
