Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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