I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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