He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
