When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
