I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
