wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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