6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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