Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
