Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
