garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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