drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
