I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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