a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
