she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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