Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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