Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
