Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
