i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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