this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
try to milk me bitch
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
