i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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