shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
