highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
