Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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