FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
