do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
