Nicole vs. Life
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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