Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
