I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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