JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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