using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
