I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
