she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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