i permit you to call me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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