she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
