U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
