once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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