he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
