I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
