she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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