Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
