Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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