I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
