Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
