You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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