I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
