my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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