I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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