I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
