I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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