I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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