She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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