Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
